cougars

in other news although i am a perv obv and have been liking the younger ladies it seems the older peeps like me.  recently i have been

kissed on the neck twice by a 60 something lady at work

been given a number by a 60 something man who wanted to take me for lunch but hes on le tv so i cant name names alas.

had a 62 year old swiss woman get nakey infront of me and ask if she could buy me.

and been asked back to hers by a woman whos atleast 20 years my senior.  twice.

it makes me feel young though.  today at work i was speaking to a 16 year old about cheese music and she hadnt heard of 2 unlimited.  i felt fucking pre historic

soz folks

i has been working/partying etc

here be my excuse why.  for your amusement some pics of me watching my voogleage back

animals that creep me out

pigeons obv (evil)

snakes - evil and deadly and cold blooded

sharks - jaws scared the shit out of me and i though sharks would come out my toilet

dolphins - inteligent and friendly my arse.  they are creepy and have creepy dolphin smiles

trolls - not real animals but nevermind

swans/geese - aggressive and pecky

perez hilton - fame whore and outy

rats - the pigeons of the ground

open letter

Dear Faker,

It has recently come to our attention that a person facilitating the ‘After Ellen’ website is using faux avatar pictures in an attempt to deceive other members. Whilst it is a right of members to display an avatar of their choice, we feel that it is fundamentally dishonest to purposely deceive other members and to present an element of their identity falsely. The whole purpose of the ‘After Ellen’ site is for lesbian and bisexual women all over the world to meet and discuss issues concerning them. We feel that this blatant attempt to not only fool other members into thinking that you both look like photos you have clearly found on another website, and to mislead members about elements of your personality; completely defies the honest and open nature and intentions of the website.

In this day and age, the internet is making an increasingly large impact on our lives. It is a tool to meet new people, make new friends and find out information quickly. Frankly, it has been ruined by people such as yourself, who, in varying degrees, assume an identity that they have no right to assume. Yes, the internet is anonymous. Yes, that can be liberating. But that does not mean we should all mould ourselves into something that we are not. ‘After Ellen’ is a site that allows women to explore and talk about their feelings, regardless of their appearance. By presenting yourself in this way, you make a mockery of the intentions of the site and everyone who is a member there. It’s a little disappointing. It is a shame that you are so insecure about your looks that you feel you need to pretend to be a range of different, beautiful women just to fit it. You presume that appearance is all the women there are interested in, which is false. In that way, you insult us.




Yours sincerely,

Coalition Against Faux Lesbians

voogleage

i intended an outdoor voogle today but rain called off play so its kinda half and half.  also its lame.  and im much geekier than i previously thought i was.  basically - yes mel, i am lame.

ps, while i wait for the link for the voogle to come up in my youtube, today brain told me today that he watched some of sex and the city th other day and was very shocked that the word cunt was said and that they talked about rimming.  bless him.  hes naive.

ok lameness

no snow... : (

i intended a winter stylee voogle today in the park with the snow we were promised.  but alas no bloody snow.  and lots and lots of rain.  so meh to that.  i shall do in indoor voogle later when brian has got out of bed and my hair is less like that of a scarecrow.  i know i has promised team msn voogleage for days but voogling scares me and im v bad at it.  but it shall be done.  im even going to try and break the 2 minute mark.  eep!

madness and such

i have been very conflicted as to talking about myself here.  but i shall.  in feb i was found to be moderatly/severly depressed with a side order of anxiety.  as anyone with depression knows depression is a harsh mistress.  i had to take three weeks off work, i couldnt eat, think about anything, people tried to talk about it and i wouldnt.  at the mo im not too depressed but the anxiety keeps biting me on the arse.  i keep freaking out, alot. i have no reason. ps i was lame as fuck last night. ignore me. but i keep freaking out alot with peeps. im a mental

coughs and sneezes

and all that.  so its my weekend off and im in bed under two duvets.  im so cold i cant even get out of bed to change the channel on 'the hills' which may be the worst tv programme ever in the world.  also last night i got hugely drunk on not much alchohol which does not bode well for the meet up of the 7th (aka the most exciting thing ever).  i must have some vodka trainning as not to shame myself infront of the pretty ladies.  ok i will blog properly later when i can actally feel my hands.

much love y'all

camden voogle

i 'ahem' accidentally bumped into mel in camden today so we decided to give a voogle/shout out.

its somewhat ramshackle and silly as you might expect.

and it was really dark so you cant really see us.

and my hairs all flat cos we got rained on.

#

and le blooper

For Tea and Toast

mochi and i saw this in camden town and thought of you.

open letter from me to me

dear katie, you have no money to speak of untill next payday.  please stop going going to marks and spencers for lunch.  i know their food is delicious and they have percy pigs and the best puds ever (unless mochi can prove you wrong with her eclairs et all) and their lasange is so good id sell an arm for it.  ohhhh all their food is teh sex.  but you haz no money.  stop it now.  eat the food you bring to work.

also, brian and mochi are wrong - the pigeons are out to get you.  there was between 60 and 4 million of them outside your work waiting to poo on you and peck you and give you diseases.  and you arent scared of them anyway, you just dont like them alot.  and they make you yelp.  and squeek. and flinch.  and run away screaming.  but you arent scared.  no.  being scared of birds is irrational.  apparently.  even though you heard the other day of someone being attacked by geese.  and stamped on and everything.  penquins are alright though.  and that parrot that speaks to you on the kings road.  but pigeons are evil and wrong.

also katie - never refer to yourself in the third person again.  its totally twatty.

all my best

sensible katie

and i espcially love irn bru

i have heard that scotland is the only country in the world where coca-cola is not the most popular soft drink in the world.  the (soft) drink of choice is irn bru.  if you havent tasted said beverage i really cant describe it for you.  its toxic orange coloured and tastes like nothing else on earth aside from a random hungarian booze drinky. scottish people love to moan about scotland but they also love scottish things.  like irn bru.  and shirly manson.  and sharleen spiteri.  and jenni falconer.  i digress.   the best thing about irn bru is not the taste, nor its hangover killing qualities, nor the fact that its uber cheap to buy (scottish people dont like spending natch).  not the best thing about it is its random/funny/close to the bone adverts.  there was once a billboard poster of a cow saying "when im a burger i want to be washed down with irn bru"

and this

team, um.... drunk on camera?

Kims done it, Mochi has done it.  and so i must too.  im easily led clearly.  heres me drunk/hungover/drunk/hungover in budapest 5 years ago.  video made by dearest gay hubby. and no, i havent changed at all in 5 years.

well, my hairs better now but apart from that....

when good models go bad

ok, as i type this im watching a repeat of the makeover show in america's next top model season two.  now i loved me some yoannah house.  she was my favourite winner.  the eyes, the cheekbones and the hair.  i loved the hair.  she made me happy in my brain parts.  but now im watching the show again it made me remember a post on gofugyourself

http://gofugyourself.celebuzz.com/go_fug_yourself/2007/04/yoanna-fug.html#more

they say it better than i could but yoanna - what happened girl?

big pile of bah!

with a side order of meh.

yesterday was just shit.  all shit all day.

thank god my mp3 player is telepathic and the first song that came on when i was on my way to work was this....

what i love most about that sond is just when you think it cant get any more gloriously demented it does.

no idea whats going on in the vid though..

anyway its got me in the mood for big noisy feisty songs

i actually quite love dizzee rascal too so hes going on my big noisy song list. kim, if your reading this, this is britsh ghetto y'all

blondes

they say that to see what a woman will end up like you should look at their mother. they are wrong.

this is my mother (umm up there, again i dont know why my photos always go to the top of my post).

sir, please take your hands off my mother.  its not something i want to see.  yup that my mum on new years eve.  as you can see i look nothing like her.  we both have blue eyes but thats it.  pip from my work thinks i should go blonde.  i am not a blonde kinda girl.  first off i would look like a corpse, secondly having hair my short would mean i would be dying it every two weeks and it would hate me and all fall off.  thirdly some people dont go for blondes.  i dont in general.  there are exceptions of course, la feldman, laurel holloman, kylie and future wife.  but generally not so much.  i dont know if its because for most of my life pre london i lived with only my mum and i love my mum but i dont be wanting to shctup her lookalike.  

basically the ruse of this whole post is to show that pic of my mum and this vid from another great blonde.

no blonde jokes now.  seriously. NO BLONDE JOKES!

ruth lorenzo

you had me worried tonight ruth, truth be told i thought you might have been a goner.  you pulled through it which pleased me.  laura was great though and im sad to see her go.  spesh as fucking daniel is still in it.  and eogwen or whatever hes called.  sort your hair out boy.  alex might be my fave to win.  hmmm dilemmas.  anyhoo x factor was abit crap tonight and for that i blame mariah carrey.  i blame alot of the worlds ills on her.  she knows why.

i will not rest untill everyone is the world has seen this

and of course this

all pie, all the time

im a dirty bitch.  for lunch yesterday i had half a banoffee pie and a coffee.  thats just filth.

co-incidentally yesterday trish from my work bought me in a fish pie for my dinner.  she made it herself.  its got scallops in and everything.  

trsh is a star.  shes in her 60s and quite the random missy.  the other week we were talking about indian food (which i love).  out of no where she announces "i make good pavarottis".  she makes... fat dead italian opera singers....?  and eats them...? maybe i should not eat the pie after all.

other quotes of randomness from her.

"i wish i was on the beach in spain drinking champange and eating bread"

"id love a glass of shampoo right now"

"how are you paula?"  (my name is katie, theres not even anyone at my work called paula)

theres more but i cant bloody remember them! frick!

lame ass momment

picture the scene if you will.  its hmm, 2001.  im in my early 20s.  im working in starb*cks.  its december.  my boss decides we are all to wear santa hats.  thats lame.  tall, leggy blonde in hat walks in.  im thinking im making sure im serving that hot blonde.  as she makes her way to the tills i swoop in.  she pics up a sandwich.  i start to speak and then realise at that moment the hot blonde is cat deely.  i say "oh, you get a free bag of crisps (or chips for my american chums) with a sandwich" she starts looking at the crisps.  she picks up some crisps and laughs "golden russet, thats a funny name for crisps!" then, and i kid you not, i said this, i say "yeah, it sounds like gusset".

what the fucking fuck did i say that for????????????????????????????????????????????

by this time i clearly have no cool or shame so i ask for an autograph.  which she signs "to katie, all my love cat.  ps keep your gusset to yourself xxx"

shes so fucking awesome

i am so lame and should never be allowed to speak to hot girls

team insomnia rages on

well its alright for some - ie americans - ie KKKIIIIMMMMAAAAYYYY....!!!!!!

but i seem to be up till stupid o clock every night now.  i can help it.  i try and be sensible.  i know i should try to sleep.  i dont though.  alright for those with no fulltime jobs.  i may be dead by friday.  i do hope not, i love the weekend.

yay for obama. im very happy.  i fell asleep at god know what time in bed with my laptop on my chest and my tv on.  but it was a happy election sleep.

blah, blah, ahhh...

ok day starts, tired, red eyed and back to work.  tube for an hour.  boring kidsfloor,  everyone looking at me like they think im a junkie cos i look so tired.  lunch - boring cous cous (but choc dessert from m&s - yay). blowing up ballons for in store event tomorrow.  out of work late.  tube for an hour again.  but then cheered up by lovely ladies.  omg i havent done ae in like a day and a half.  i hate having to work.  my cheer up song.

rarrrrr!

i wanna be a rock/popstar

i wish i was musically blessed like PA or ikke.  then i could join a band.  i have narrowed it down to two bands. 

either

the northern new wave of the long blondes.  witty, funny and oh so retro

or the glitzy pop fun of girls loud.

i love this so much

Liz feldman, i think i might love you slightly.  i was actually going to post earlier asking where you were as i was expecing you back on the interwebs in october.  then you give us this

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

i need this just out back though.  for totes.

oy vey

my giddy aunt im tired.  take two good things  (number 1 being that stalwart of bored people that is msn, number 2 being hot and funny lesbian and bisexual girls) mix em up and what do you have? Hilarity, dirtiness, clumsiness, videos (not thoses kinds you pervs), an ongoing coversation about what film is the descent and what film is the cave, frequent confusion, hot tub chat, crazy peeps on buses chat, mild arguements in japes, spooning, forking, complaining of lack of couching forking and such like, myday, meet up plans, bagel chat and a whole lot more.  what you dont have, however is an fucking sleep.  Eternal Junkie (leader of the nocturnals), Potential Angel (leader of the hot tub), Ikke (leader of the lovelyness) and KIIMMAAY (leader of the awesome) i salute you ladies.  i also kinda hate you for the amount of tired i am right now. i will check with the others to see if i can mention names.

ps Eternal Junkie - i can understand why you are addicted to Eternal, they were spectactular.

pps - i would like all my friends to blog please.  and to send me the links to the blogs they aleady have please ;p 

awesome

and celeb team no bra

eva mendes is teh sex.  i was so gutted that i was flu ridden when she did the in store appearence in harrods.  or was it harvey nics?  i cant remember but i would walk over hot coals to perv at her in real life. she just seems so...... naughty.

needless to say its not safe for work

celebrity team bra

i love me some ms minogue.  my first concert was kylie for my 10th birthday.  perhaps the only good thing about mad bitch ex girlfriend was that she got me tickets for kylie at wembly for my 21st bithday.  my love for kylie endures.  i love her, ive loved her for like 17 years, i will always love her.  observe

KKKKIIIIIMMMMAAAYYY....!!!!!!!!!

in part one of a series of my internet crushes

Kim, let me count the reasons that you are awesome

you are totally hot

you are as funny as many tonnes of frack

this picture (i dont know why its up there)

you has cats

you like girls aloud

you sing in public and film it for our entertainment

you party like a rock star

then grope your friends

this voogle

kim, i want to party like a rockstar with you

you can grope me anyday

and you joined team bra

*swoon*

edited for more love

joining team insomnia

i think im on my way to joining my friends smith and amy in the nocturnal team.  its like team bra, just at night or something.

last night was halloween.  a night i enjoy in theory.  in reality however, half of stratford was closed off my police and a group of about 50 or so young arseholes proceeded to thrown fireworks at each other.  i saw all these kids larking around and im like, ok whatever so i walk into the middle of it and i see a ruffian type boy through something and it occurs to me that what hes thrown is on fire.  then i realise, yup, thats a firework about a meter from my foot.  so i scarper and see 3 armoured police vans drive towards the mellee.  

watched 'funny games' with brian.  shit, that is an intense and hardcore film.  its good though.

to soothe my frazzeled mind